Until tonight, I was totally unaware that October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Thanks to Coley and Rebecca I've been enlightened. In addition to lighting a candle or quietly remembering our personal losses alone, we have a national and apparently even international day when we don’t feel so insolated in our pain.

Until now, I have been extremely private about my losses which include miscarriages and two stillborn children. All these losses were unpreventable except my last stillborn child, a beautiful little girl we named Laura. Early in the pregnancy I started having serious complications and was on bed rest for the better part of eight months. Unfortunately this was not enough to save her; she was stillborn sixteen years ago last month due to negligence and apathy on the part of my doctor.

The whole family was devastated, and I can’t say I’ve truly recoverd from that loss, just learned to live with it. I still have nightmares and crying sessions although far fewer since we’ve brought Ella home.

For many years after our loss, I was convinced that I would never have a daughter. I clearly remember the first time I thought about adoption. It was about one year after we lost Laura, and I had experienced yet another miscarriage. I called the nearest immigration office for information and was informed that one of us had to be a citizen in order to adopt domestically or internationally. Neither of us were citizens of this country. We had just moved to the US a year and a half before and were a long way from even getting permanent residence.

Meanwhile my three boys needed their Mom’s full attention. My husband’s position required that he travel almost every week. With no family closer than several thousand miles away, I was busy "keeping it together” for all of us. Adoption was put on the back burner for thirteen years. During that time, I graduated three sons from High School, the older two from college, and watched my two oldest “babies” marry.

The decision to adopt came late in life but was nonetheless the right decision. Ella is an amazing little girl and not a day goes by without me counting my blessings that we were able to make her part of our family.

My heart goes out to all those who have experienced pregnancy and infant losses.