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It seems that defending the integrity of Guatemalan adoptions is going to be a challenging aspect of being the parent of a Guatemalan born child. My mother was the first person to question me about the adoption process while I was waiting for Ella to come home. She opened her newspaper one morning to a scathing article about the corruption surrounding Guatemalan adoptions, and wanted to know if I knew about this.
I took a deep breath and told her that yes, there were unethical agencies and lawyers, but that was not the case with our adoption. Each time I am questioned or challenged, I have a different response, and then later on regret having left out an important fact or having said too much. One of my gut reactions is to remind people that there is corruption in adoption from every country, including our own. This is not a good answer, and of course not an excuse, but rather a defensive response. Usually I try to explain to them that Guatemala is going to be making changes in the near future, but that I truly believe that most adoptions from Guatemala are legal and ethical.
On one of the Guatemalan adoption forums, there has been a lot of discussion about corrupt adoptions. Some parents know for a fact that their lawyer and/or their agency were dishonest. They feel guilty and helpless. Others have no idea if their children’s adoptions were done in a legitimate manner, and are very concerned. As much as I respect their concern and angst, I find myself getting impatient. After all, their children are home and what were they going to do about it? To my knowledge, none of them suggested disrupting the adoptions and returning the children to Guatemala.
As a result of this subject appearing repeatedly on the forum, I started to think of this phenomenon as “Guatemalan Adoption Guilt.” I also searched for a solution to help alleviate the pain and guilt some adoptive parents were obviously carrying. After all, this was not healthy for the children, the parents or the family.
Mulling it over, a phrase commonly used about parenting came to mind: We did the best we could at the time with the knowledge and tools we had at our disposal. May I suggest that none of us would have readily agreed to a corrupt adoption? Furthermore, we can all be active in promoting positive changes in the adoption process in Guatemala, WITHOUT making the children victims – there is no need to “throw the baby out with the bath water” after all.
Ella and I spend every day together. I love and cherish her as much as my bio sons, but I never forget that she has a birth mother and a birth country. If our family finances remain stable, I hope to visit Guatemala with her frequently in the future. If she so desires, I will help her find her birth mother. To the best of my knowledge, her adoption was legitimate and legal, and for that I am thankful. In a far from perfect world, I have done the best that I can.
And adoption is FAR from the only practice in the world tainted by corruption.
If throwing babies out with bath water is the way things are supposed to go, the UN would have been shut down years ago for the corruption that crawls the halls there.
And look at how many corruption cases of one sort or another come from within the US government itself.
Righteous indignation that results in shutting off the adoption option is nothing more than picking on the little guys … and it’s the little guys who pay. A look at children trapped in Romania and Cambodia make that point only too well.
Sometimes the wrong people feel guilty anyway. If anyone should carry that sort of guilt it’s the dishonest lawyers and agencies that take advantage of people who just want to start a family and the media for downplaying the positive stuff as usual.
I myself have to work on not feeling guilty about adopting from country A instead of country B, it really is a waste and all people can do is to do the best they can to make sure their adoption is honest and legal.
I heard a speaker talking about corrupt adoptions from India say those parents who are processing the guilt now will likely be in a better position to face the questions from their teenagers one day. The ones who sit back and say “Oh, well” are going to be far less prepared and may face some challenges in their relationships with their children.
“Some parents know for a fact that their lawyer and/or their agency were dishonest. They feel guilty and helpless.”
I have trouble understanding people who knew that their adoptions may have been unethical, but did nothing about it. In my mind, that is condoning it. As far as I am concerned, they should feel guilty.
I agree that parents who are considering these issues of corrupt now will be better prepared to deal with their children later. However, I still think it may be challenging to explain some of this later. There will be historical records for all these children to see – all over the place. Won’t be able to hide it.
Jan,
I need to clarify – the parents were only aware of the corruption AFTER the fact when their lawyers dishonesty was made public (and they weren’t allowed to do adoptions anymore). Ditto for the agencies.
About guilt being good in the long run – I’m not sure I agree with that but I’ll think about it.
Lisa