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Good days come and go but bad days seemed to be a routine thing by mid-February. One could argue the many blessings we had right in front of us and they would be correct. However, many times after being promised day in and day out that tomorrow things would be completed, then nothing happens, nothing seemed to bright anymore. Even Mia’s little spirit would sometimes reflect the hopelessness her Mommy felt at times.
The afternoon of February 17th was no different than any other day that had passed. As the afternoon dragged on, Kristina pulled her calendar/journal from her bedside stand and began to write what had happened the day before
“Carlos called and said that he was calling Merida today to see if there was any progress on our case. If he had news he would call and let me know…NO NEWS!”
She placed her book on the bed in front of where she sat and her pencil in top of it. With a sigh she glanced at her watch and decided that now was as good of a time as any to head out for some bread and a Coke. Mia of course jumped up when she saw her Mommy moving around like it was time to go. Out the door, through the house, stopping just long enough to pick up the stroller, the girls were well on their way for their afternoon stroll.
Kristina and Mia stayed out a little longer than usual as the day was fair and the breeze felt good. Though things seemed hopeless at times, Kristina knew she should be thankful for a healthy little girl who chirped away below as they shared the bread. Then after taking another drink of her Coke, the girls headed back to be in time for the afternoon episode of Law and Order that came on every day.
As she usually did, Kristina straightened up the room before she sat down to watch the television. Toys went under the television, Mia’s clothes under her crib, Mommy’s clothes under the bed, and then put everything else away. Something wasn’t right however.
As Kristina picked up her calendar, her pencil was missing. She had intended to write more after she returned so she left the pencil in the page where she had left off before. However, as she glanced over the bed and the area around the calendar there was no sign of the pencil.
“Are you kidding me?” Kristina fussed at herself in frustration as this simple thing seemed to personify all she was upset with in the world. Mia simply looked on as the television played commercials in Spanish and English to her delight. Kristina finished cleaning everything else and then began looking for her pencil.
Many might ask what was so important about the pencil. This pencil was important to Kristina on multiple levels. First of all, where she was living, they didn’t have much and silly as it may seem, there were no other pencils in the house. Kristina would have to wait until the next day and ask for a ride to go get a pencil or walk 3 miles to the nearest store that sold them. So it was a great inconvenience to have lost this pencil. Secondly, this pencil had been her means of writing her feelings, logging the days, and keeping track of the progress. Through this wood and graphite, Kristina had bathed many in seething words, had cried out her anguish, and had rejoiced at every victory. The feel of this particular pencil was special to her. Finally, it was simply the straw that broke the proverbial camel’s back.
Slowly she looked in the usual places is might be. She looked on the bedside stand, under the pillows, and all over her bed. She looked in her pockets, in the stroller, and in the bag she brought in. As her search was fruitless a quiet rage built within her that she couldn’t find her pencil. Having spent many nights in prayer, her rage soon was directed at God.
“How could you take this thing away from me!” She continued on in an angry tone as she began to move the mattress from it’s resting place. Mia looked on in amusement as this was something different and it looked fun! Soon the crib, bed and nightstand had all been displaced and still nothing was found. Mia laughed as she saw parts of the floor she had never seen before. Kristina found no joy in the circumstance and the bitterness grew within her. Her voice snarled as she once again talked upward and accused God of being cruel.
All hope of finding the pencil and any peace within was long gone as she continued to move what little they had from one side of the room and back. Finally she had enough and placed everything back in its proper place. Mia, though sensing her Mommy’s anxiety, was still enjoying the show. As Kristina realized how late in the day it had become, she knew that I would be calling soon. About the time it crossed her mind the phone began to chirp.
“DADADADA” Mia yelled as she recognized the familiar ring. Kristina’s voice was soft and low when I first heard her. However, she seemed OK and calm as we began to talk. Then came a phrase that trigger the anger within. She was describing how she was so ready to be home and she was so upset at “the system.”
I simply said “I understand” and that set off a time bomb. As fierce as a hurt woman could possibly lash out into a tiny cell phone, Kristina let me know that I didn’t understand and I could never. With a few more words, she hung up the phone leaving me stunned and her in tears. She realized that anger and bitterness had gotten the best of her.
As she lay there watching the TV but not paying attention, she focused back up and thought about the day. She thought how ridiculous it was to accuse God of anything. As she gained her composure, she looked and saw Mia peacefully sleeping. With a renewed sense of purpose, she lay her head back on the pillow to sleep. She looked up and simply prayed that she knew things would be OK and that she had complete trust that God could handle everything. She reached down and pulled the covers to her chin in preparation for a cool night.
Clink Clink Clink…
What was that?” she thought quietly to herself. Grasping in the dark for the cell phone/flashlight she illuminated the floor beside her bed. Tears streamed from her eyes as there on the floor lay the pencil. A quick phone call home to share the story and to make amends followed. Kristina finally put the day to rest and had a sense of confidence she hadn’t felt in a while. Things weren’t all better inside but they weren’t all bad either.
What a journey…
The Mummau Series
1. Choosing To Adopt
2. Why International? Why Guatemala?
3. The Call From Guatemala
4. The Process Begins
5. A Prelude To Mia
6. How Can You “Choose” A Child – Leaving Others Behind?
7. Peer Into The Heart – Journal Entries
8. Meeting Maria – Finding Mia
9. Leaving Our Daughter…is that…no way!
10. Rivers of Waiting
11. Mistakes, Intentions, and Naivety – How Hope Began To Die
12. Alone in Guatemala and Waiting
13. Time Marches On – Goodbye Mia for Now
14. Joyful Gringos in Quetzaltenango
15. Mia Mia
16. Abuela Comes To The Rescue
17. Doctors, Couriers, and Delays
18. Even So, You Won’t Believe This
19. The Summer of Frustration Ends
20. Fall Approaches with Broken Hearts…Teeth
21. 1600 Miles from Tecpan (pt.1)
22. 1600 Miles from Tecpan (pt.2)
23. Kristina Comes Home
24. Mia’s First Steps
25. December’s Momentum
26. An Angel In The Embassy? I
27. An Angel in the Embassy? II
28. A Christmas to Remember…and Forget
29. Daddy’s 2nd Visit
30. Clash at The Embassy
31. We’re In The PGN! OK Let Us Out!
32. Accomodations
33. The Pencil – Never Give Up
34. Exiting the PGN…sort of
35. Exiting the PGN…yet again
36. Daddy Has Enough
37. The Countdown Begins
38. Easter Brings Hope
39. Sit With Me in San Cristobal
40. T-Minus a few things and counting
41. My New Favorite Color
42. Hope Becomes Reality-The Embassy Interview
43. Mia Mummau Goes Home
More blogs about Guatemala Adoption.
