Unfortunately, many times in the midst of the excitement that surrounds an adoption some very important things and people can be forgotten. As adopting/adoptive parents it is imperative that we maintain a correct perspective about those who have made the decision to place their child with another family to raise. There is a wide range of emotions that come with a discussion about this.

Let me first say that in our situation, we never knew the birth parents of our daughter. It is not even known who they were. Mia was left outside of a small hospital in a remote region about 5 hours northwest of Guatemala City. We rarely discuss the details of her abandonment situation with others due to the usual reactions of those who don't think the situation through.

"What an awful thing to do and to such a precious baby" one lady said to us. "How could someone give birth and then just lay their baby down and leave."

"I don't know" I replied "but I can only imagine that the situation must have been so tremendously difficult that the parents felt this was the best alternative."

Unfortunately, the many times people would say something like that was not time to spend talking about the many circumstances that lead to a mother or mother and father deciding to place the child for adoption. In Guatemala and especially in the region where Mia was born, extreme poverty grips the towns and villages. Poor government infrastructure prevents opportunity for so many. Violence, crime, hunger, and hopelessness lead many parents to place children for adoption in hopes that they will find a brighter future.

Many people I have met have met the birth parents of their adopted children and have had tremendous experiences. Others have had emotional reactions of learning about the birth parents. Others, like our families, have no information about their child's birth parents or families. Regardless of the situation, we need to speak of the birth parents of our children with dignity and respect. If possible, when people inquire and are genuinely interested, it is a great time to share more about the situation.

To this day I wonder who Mia's birth parents were. Did they live in the small town where she was found or in a remote village. Who does she look like most? I know that Mia may have these questions too one day and I can only hope she will find peace. I want to make sure that in all of what I say and do regarding her adoption that I have not only kept our best interest in mind as a family but I remember that she was entrusted to us, though indirectly, by someone who wanted a better future for her.

A couple notes.
When discussing this with others online whether in a forum or email, it becomes commonplace to abbreviate common terms. Please remember it is not appropriate to abbreviate Birth Mother with 2 initials as of the other connotations it may bring to mind. If you abbreviate, which I don't recommend, us bmom instead. It is best to be safe and use birth mother instead. Also it is inappropriate to us real parent or real mom. Use birth parent or birth mom.

Again, due to our situation, we have very limited experience in addressing some of these issues. I would love your insight regardless of you point of view. Whether your an adoptive/adopting parent, an adoptee, or a birth parent, I would appreciate any insight you could lend the readers!