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In past entries, I’ve discussed Beauty’s delay in language. When she was last assessed, she was around a year behind where she needed to be. Since starting weekly speech therapy with M., Beauty has improved leaps and bounds. She’s really trying to vocalize her opinions and emotions; she’s working on making choices between two options. She tries to repeat almost anything. Suffice to say, as I write this, I am beaming with pride.
So maybe there’s one small fly in the ointment of joy. Beauty’s favorite word of all time, ever? No.
Don’t get me wrong: I know she’s two and this is prime time to assert her independence. I respect that. In fact, I encourage it. I could’ve cried with happiness the first time she said, “No, mama” when asked to give back the toy she snatched from Bear’s grasp. Prior to her ability to vocally express her wants, needs, feelings, and frustrations, she would’ve merely flung herself onto the ground in hysterics. So “no” was a very good thing to hear indeed. Was a very good thing.
M. mentioned it’s not uncommon for toddlers with a language delay to turn everything into a struggle, and let me tell you…we are there. Everything is “no”, even when I know the answer would normally be a “yes”. For instance, if I ask if she’d like a little more milk with dinner, it’s an offer Beauty has almost never refused. When she couldn’t vocalize her acceptance of my proposal, she’s simply smile and hand over her cup. Now the situation goes something like this: I offer milk, and am met with a resounding “no!”. I then proceed to go back to doing whatever it is I was doing in the first place. Enter tantrum with a handful of “no’s” at top volume. After a few minutes, I ask again and she replies, “Yes, mama.” Rinse and repeat.
As I said before, she’s a healthy, independent toddler, but this “no” ordeal has been striking our household about ten times a day as of late. I have to be honest: it is a bit frustrating and tiring. I know this too shall pass, but I’m ready to find a middle ground and call a ceasefire on the struggle. I should note, however, there is one exception to the Beauty’s strong-standing “no” rule: if cookies are involved, it’s an instantaneous and enthusiastic “yes”. Have I mentioned she’s fiercely independent? She definitely has her mama’s sense of spirit…and her sweet tooth.
Anyone else ever find your language-delayed toddler made up for lost time when it came to the infamous “no”? I’d love to hear of any tried and true tactics you might have employed. For now, we’ll just weather the storm, and if I get really desperate to hear a “yes”, I’ll resort to calling out the heavy artillery of cookies. (Just kidding–the kids aren’t allowed that many cookies in this house, even if the solution is a tempting one!)
Our daughter, Zoe, is also in speech therapy due to language delays.
She is 3 now and we are going through a similar situation. My daughter’s phrase of choice right now is “I don’t want to”. We are so happy that she is expressing an emotion but everything is “I don’t want to”.
A much longer phase we have been going through is the “I can’t express myself in words so I’m just going to cry and freak out”. This phase is very long indeed in a child with a language delay.
My husband and I eventually decided that even though our daughter is 3 chronologically, she is not necessarily 3 emotionally. Whether her speech is delayed because she missed a year of English or whether it is delayed because that’s just how it is, she cannot express herself as well as other children her same age. Once we started to accept this, things started to get easier. Speech in a child this age affects every aspect of development. For example, you can’t finish potty training if she doesn’t understand the concept of getting up at night.
My daughter’s worst behavior problems usually start when she is trying to express something in the best way she knows how and we are not listening properly to hear it. It may not come out in the way we expect so we don’t accept it. We are working very hard to accept that whether she is making sense or not, she is trying the best she can and we need to meet her halfway.
Treasure the No’s. They mean your daughter is trying out something new and very soon she will be trying something else!