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It is not the “same difference”.
Recently, Beauty and I went out to do a bit of grocery/household shopping. We frequently go as a family of four, and this day was no exception. My husband was taking Bear to the restroom, so Beauty and I shopped about. She sat in the cart as she usually does, holding and pilfering through the coupons and my shopping list, chatting up a storm. We paused in an aisle loaded with pajamas (Beauty’s weakness–she loves to obtain/receive new pajamas!) and as we were hunting through the racks, a woman stopped beside us to compliment Beauty’s, well, beauty.
“What big eyes she has! And such long hair with cute hair bows! Is she Mexican?” I thanked her and replied that no, Beauty is Guatemalan. To which the woman replied: “Mexican, Cuban, Guatemalan…whatever. Have a good one.” I mumbled some sort of reply, but I was really taken aback by her reaction to my correction that Beauty is Guatemalan and not Mexican. Actually, I’ll be honest, I was more taken aback by the fact that she was so dismissive of the fact that there’s a difference; that Mexicans, Cubans, and Guatemalans are not one in the same.
I’ll skip drawing circles on an imaginary map, citing the difference in location between Mexico, Cuba, and Guatemala. I’ll skip the rundown on the historical accomplishments of Mexico, Cuba, and Guatemala (have I mentioned I’m a bit of a history buff?). I’ll step off the soapbox, but not without stating yet again how bothered I was by her remark. So what bothered me the most?
Ignoring for the fact that it, at the very least, shows this woman’s ignorance of geography and essentially lumps all people in the world with a similar skin tone into Mexico, it bothered me because it was so dismissive of Beauty’s birth country right before her very eyes. Yes, yes, I know she’s only two (and a half). I realize this conversational exchange was essentially lost on her. However, had she been four or five–or even older–this exchange wouldn’t have been quite so lost.
As an adoptive parent of an internationally born child, it is my responsibility to raise her to be a proud Guatemalan American, meaning that she is dually proud of both her countries. I want her to know that Guatemala is no more Mexico than the United States is Canada. I want her to grow up with such a sense of pride that politely correcting people like the woman in the store–even if a comment is meant with no ill will–comes as second nature; it is effortless, seamless. I want her to know and respect the difference between the many countries in our world.
As we walked on and Beauty chattered about, I told my Guatemalan girl to remain true to herself and always be proud of who she is and where she was born. Was this lost on her as well? Maybe. But she looked at me quite seriously and said, “Okay, mama.” It’s a start.
When Sissy ans Sassy were younger people would stop me and ask “What they were?” When I said El Salvador more than one person said something like – “Well, I KNEW they weren’t Mexican. They are too pretty!” I also heard “Well, I am glad they aren’t Mexican. We already have enough of THEM here!”
When my grandfather’s family came to the US, he was frequently asked what part of England he was from, and he would always politely but firmly correct the person, saying, Oh, no, not English, Welsh. He spoke the language and was proud of his heritage. He often told me about his homeland and that, combined with watching him do this over the years must have taught me a little about pride. My wife and I, who are both of mixed ethnic backgrounds, adopted a baby from the Huehuetenango region, of ethnic Mam Maya background.
We frequently are asked where our daughter is from, and since she has the almond eyes and straight black hair that many of the Maya do, we often get asked if she is Chinese. I had a very short, pointed discussion with the local doctor’s office because they wrote her down as Asian without even asking us. The local hospital classified her as Caucasian on her records, even though she and her mother are visibly non-White.
I don’t mind discussing with interested parties why we do not classify her as Latina/Hispanic, but it constantly annoys me for people in positions of minor authority to guess, when we are standing there and could easily answer the question.
There is a large Mayan settlement in the western part of our state, where the community language is one of the Mayan languages, and the folks we have met there have complained frequently about people assuming they are Mexican (many of who dislike Guatemalans, who often return the favor) As it happens, there are some Mam speakers in our area, and when she is a bit older we hope to begin having her learn some of that. Spanish might be more useful, admittedly, but it is not the first language of our daughter’s people, and we feel that it important, since we are fortunate enough to have the info regarding her family to pass that along to her.
We realize that for many families that adopt from Guatemala, they don’t know exactly where in the country their children came from, so they have to do the best they can teaching about their childrens’ birthland, and to some it simply isn’t important that they know about it at all.
Not to say we are right and anyone who does it different is wrong; just some rambling observations about what we felt led to do. I’d be happy to discuss the issues with anyone that has an interest in them.
Forest