One of the wonderful aspects of Guatemalan adoption is the fact that you can visit during the adoption process. Most adoption agencies recommend waiting until the results of the DNA come back, but some couples even go down to sign the POA (Power of Attorney) when they get their referral.

How do you decide if visiting is the right choice for you? Well, for some couples the cost is inhibitive and the decision is made right then and there. But if there are no financial considerations, you have “only” to consider the emotional ones.

Let me put it out there for you: it is extremely hard to say goodbye once you have spent time feeding, changing, cuddling, and falling in love with your little one. I’ve known people who have chosen not to go because they felt that leaving the child behind would be devastating. It is.

A close and dear friend visiting last weekend asked me what in my life had prepared me for such an experience. “Nothing,” I replied, but then nothing in my life prepared me for the whole adoption experience. I just had to go see my little girl as soon as the DNA test came back okay. I needed to hold her in my arms and make sure she was real, and not just a photograph.

I recommend that you have a list of questions for the foster mother for when you meet her. Learn everything about your little one so that you can make their stay with you as comfortable as possible. Bring lots of clothes and toys with the intent of leaving them behind when you go. I did come home with the pair of pajamas that Ella wore on our last night together, and slept with them each night until she came home four months later. I know it sounds crazy, but it worked for me. I left her with a blanket I cuddled so it carried my smell, and a photo of her Dad and I in a picture frame that let you put a recorded message on it.

Visit trips are a wonderful opportunity to get acquainted with your little ones before they come home. Regardless of how young they are, their personalities shine through. I knew Ella was a very thoughtful and intense little girl when I visited her at three months. The first day she stared at me long and hard, trying hard to figure out where I fit into her life. By the end of five days, I knew what made her angry and what made her laugh, how she liked to be fed and fall asleep after. I was also totally in love with this amazing little girl, and horrified at the thought of leaving her behind.

What effect one visit trip has on an infant is very hard to gauge, but I do believe that somewhere in her little memory bank that trip was preserved. For a toddler or older child it might relieve the stress of the unknown.

I don’t know if I’ve encouraged or discouraged anyone from making a visit trip. Why not send me a comment or email if you have further questions or would like to tell how your visit trip worked for you.

Photo: Ella during my visit trip.