Love Thursday on Friday: Toddler Socialization

Socialization doesn’t always come easy to two year olds, and that “sharing” business seems to be a sore spot with most of them. Ella is still on the learning curve in this department. Somehow all the toys she ignores for weeks become incredibly important to her the minute another child touches them.

So today when her little friend “C” arrived, she cheerfully greeted her and then for the next half hour proceeded to take every toy out of her hand with a big smile on her face. “C” let out a high pitched scream or a growl each time this happened. I was convinced that the play date was going to be a catastrophe.

And it wouldn’t be the first time. The last brave soul who came over to play was a sweet little boy who was crying out “feelings hurt” within the first ten minutes. I almost cried right along with him as I held back the little tigress. It wasn’t until her babysitter, who was visiting at the time, took the two of them into another room to play, that Ella calmed down and shared her toys.

Getting back to today’s play date, I decided to end the toy battles by introducing some finger painting. It worked. Within a few minutes they were covered with paint and giggling. A couple times Ella put her hands on “C’s” paper, but quickly moved back when I told her to stop. After that, besides a couple minor incidents, the two little women had a great time. I captured this photo of the two of them on Ella’s new tricycle. Later they went and jumped on Ella’s bed and tore a few decorations off the wall.

Talking to my dearest friend on the phone today, I tapped into her extensive knowledge of early child education, a field she worked in for years, and very successfully I might add. She reminded me that Ella’s responses are normal and part of the socialization process that children must go through. She suggested that I tell her to decide which toys she wants to share, and then have her give them to her friend. Then when her friend leaves, show her that the toys are still here. Apparently they often worry that the toys won’t come back from their friends’ little hands.

You would think that Ella being my fourth child I’d know all this, but I really don’t remember my sons being so possessive, so never focused on this issue much. Once again my friend calmed me right down and explained that often boys aren’t near as possessive about their toys.

Although I’ve read more child raising books than are really necessary, it is often the reassuring voice of a good friend that makes me put things in perspective. After all, the authors of those books don’t know my child and don’t know me. I also think that I’m a little out of patience with this issue, and I’ll blame it on the fact that I’m an older parent! Perspective is always a good thing, isn’t it?

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