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While we were in process, one of the big draws to adopt from Guatemala was the percentage of adoptable children who resided with foster families. Most Guatemalan children eligible for adoption did not live in orphanages (I’m electing to use past tense here, seeing how the Guatemalan program remains closed), although some did. Beauty spent the first nine months of her life with a foster mom/family. I thought this would be a noteworthy topic of discussion this morning, considering the foster family versus orphanage issue is one that many adoptive parents contemplate.
Beauty’s foster mom, R., was a grandmother of three children, ages ten and younger, for whom she cared on a full-time basis. She earned a small income from fostering and would usually care for two to three babies at once. While Beauty was being fostered, she spent all of her time with her foster mom, her foster mom’s grandchildren, and around her one month birthday, another baby girl who was adopted to another family using the same agency that we had selected. I’d like to share a few of our experiences with you, but please note this is not an inclusive view of what fostering is like for every child; this is merely what we learned and deduced from our own experiences.
I believe fostering comes with both benefits and drawbacks. One of the benefits is a closer bond with an independent caregiver. It’s probably pretty safe to assume that Beauty did not receive a plethora of one-on-one time, seeing how R. was responsible for Beauty’s well being, another child’s well being, and the well being of her three grandchildren. However, it was evident Beauty’s basic needs were satisfied in Guatemala. She wasn’t malnourished, she took to affection immediately, she reacted favorably to eye contact. She was an overall happy baby, and I do feel her overall needs were met. However, upon arriving home, we realized she had never eaten off a spoon; at nine months of age, this was a completely foreign concept to her although we were told she ate baby food with ease. She was unable to hold her head up for more than a few seconds–let alone sit up–when placed on her stomach. She was most secure and happy in a bouncer–she enjoyed sitting with us and interacting, but we quickly realized she had probably slept quite a bit in her bouncer in Guatemala as she refused sleep in a fully reclined position. She also had a tremendous bald spot in her sea of dark hair (and believe me, at nine months of age, she had a ton of hair) on the back of her head, presumably from the time spent in the bouncer.
She did form a good bond to R., though. My husband was able to watch the two of them interact at some length and felt the rapport was strong and suggested an established trust. R. gifted us several beautiful handmade items for Beauty upon her departure, along with a teary request for pictures (via the translator). Overall, do I feel Beauty was cared for? Am I satisfied with her fostering experience? Yes and yes.
The fostering system was, in my understanding, pretty much unregulated. So this in itself added an additional dimension of concern, but like anything else, each AP or PAP needs to understand the risks and benefits associated with the manner of care your child receives prior to joining your family.
