For the first several months of our children’s lives they are cared for by a foster family. This wonderful system has contributed greatly to the emotional and physical well being of our children.

Information about the foster mother should be part of your referral package. You will know her age, address and family situation. Many of us can’t wait to send a package after we get the referral; this is an opportune time to make the first contact with the foster family. Include a note in Spanish (don’t assume they can speak English); it is usually fairly easy to find someone who is proficient enough in Spanish to help you write a few kind words to the person caring for your child. Writing it in Spanish shows respect for their language and it will be appreciated.

Some foster families have computers so send your email address clearly in the first package or through your agency. It is a wonderful way to keep in touch and have frequent updates. Calling Guatemala on the phone is often a challenge, as many times it seems that their phone is ringing but they aren’t picking up when actually the call hasn’t even gone through. This is particularly the case in the evening. If you do want to call, have an interpreter on hand or use three-way calling if you have this option on your phone.

If you are fortunate enough to make a visit trip during the adoption process, the foster mother will bring your child to you. Most agencies have an interpreter present so you can converse with her. This is a wonderful opportunity to become acquainted and learn everything there is to know about your child. Have a list of questions ready to ask and give the foster mother plenty of time to talk. Your child is accustomed to being fed, comforted and put to sleep in a certain way; you’ll do well to do it the same way as the foster mother during the visit.

Often the first couple days and especially nights can be very difficult for your child so make sure you are able to contact the foster mother through your agency’s co-coordinators if you have any questions. If it’s possible to arrange for an interpreter (often hotels offer this service), you might invite the foster family to have lunch or dinner with you during your visit. This is yet another opportunity to get to know the family taking care of your child and how they care for your child. Generally meeting the foster mother brings peace of mind but if you have concerns, talk to your agency immediately.

With the adoption process taking even longer these days, children may spend anywhere from six months to well over a year with their foster families. Strong attachments between your child and the foster family develop. Usually the whole family has been involved in the fostering process and your child will be comfortable with all its members. This makes it even more difficult for all involved when it comes time for goodbyes.

It is important to respect the foster mother’s difficulty with saying goodbye to a child she has loved and nurtured for several months. Even though you are in a hurry to take your baby and start parenting, it would be wise not to rush the good byes. You will have your child for the rest of your life.

Ideally for your child the separation from his/her foster mother would be done gradually over several days; realistically it is usually over in an hour. Some families make time to meet with the foster parents again over a meal before they go. Our daughter’s foster mother dropped by the hotel the second night to see Ella again. They both needed that visit, and we were only too happy to see her again.

Gift giving is a big part of Guatemalan culture. The foster family does not expect you to bring them gifts, but it is a nice gesture. A family gift is appropriate if there is a big family and you don’t have room to bring individual gifts; chocolate, towels and lotions were popular when we were bringing Ella home, but use your imaginations. I also made Ella’s foster mother a photo album of all the photos we had received of Ella during the adoption process. That was her favorite gift by far.

Should you keep up a relationship with the foster mother after your child is home? I would say yes if both parties are comfortable with it. Most foster mothers enjoy getting updates around birthdays and holidays. I’ve read about children wanting to meet their foster families when they make a trip to Guatemala. It gives them a connection to their country of birth especially if there is no contact with the birth parents.

One thing I always wanted for Ella but unfortunately it didn’t pan out was a letter from her foster mother talking about their time together. It doesn’t have to be long but it would be special for our children to have and cherish all their lives.

Most of us have had wonderful experiences with the foster mothers and are forever grateful for the love and superb care they gave our children. I’m confident that our children will enjoy the relationship we create with their foster family. What child wouldn’t like to know that there was another family in the world that loved them?


About Ella's Foster Mom


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