Adoptive Parents: You Mean They Can Be Good?

So often in doing research I get both the bad and the good views of the adoption triad presented to me. It seems for all of the good that does come from an adoption, some people want to paint it completely negative. Many times this is because of bad experiences they have gone through themselves. While I know there are those who adopt for the wrong reasons or those who feel they are doing the world a favor, my personal opinion is that these people are in the small minority. After working with and getting to know so many of you who have adopted or are adopting from Guatemala I felt I should share my thoughts on the issue.

By far, the overwhelming number of families who are adopting are only concerned about one thing, the child. Contrary to what some others may say, the “parent-centric” criticism is far overused. We have close friends who have been pursuing the adoption of their son for 22 months as of this post and ask for no pity or sympathy. Their only focus is to do whatever it takes to bring him home. They have faced hardship after hardship on this journey and they continue to pick themselves up and press on. The only thing you will ever hear them say is that it is “not fair for their son.” If this adoption was just about them or to show the world how good they were, this process would have ended a year ago.

Another adoptive mother posts on her blog Chris & Liz’s Adoption News

IF we are not out of PGN in the end of MAY I am going back down and visiting my baby, I don’t care if I have to get a 2nd job to come up with the money I am going

That statement would mean a lot alone but the fact that in order to do so $1500 needs to be raised makes that even more of a commitment. Parents from all over the adoption community long to be with their child from the moment the referral is received. The longing only grows as time goes by. Most give all of their time, energy, finances, and self in order to bring this child into their family. They do so not to be patted on the back for being “good” but because of the unconditional love that is in their heart. I could continue with a list of parents that would take all day to write about, and that is just in my small world.

I am tired of adoptive parents being painted with a broad brush because of a few ignorant people. When you see an adoptive parent walking around looking giddy and “in their own world” as they push their stroller with their adopted child, it isn’t because they feel like “do-gooders.” It is from the excitement of being family. When they stop and talk to you and the adoption becomes the subject of conversation, it’s not because they are “do-gooders.” It is because that the adoption is all their lives have consisted of for the last many months or even years. Parents giving birth to biological children often do the same things, “in their own world” and talking about the birth and pregnancy.

I’m sorry if this feels like a ramble. I’ve just been challenged so many times by those who would criticize the adoption community for the wrong reasons. It is true that there are many things that need to be changed and improved to make the system better no doubt. To criticize the true love of an adoptive parent and characterize it as prideful glee is just wrong.

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